Nasty, Evil, thieving little smashereses!
by Lone Wolf8
Summary: Someone is stealing things from the other smashers! Who could it be!? Still Rated PG-13 because of Cursing in chappys. The story is complete! Congratulations to the contest winner!! ^_^
1. The precious!

A.N. LW: The preeeeeeeciousssssss!!! Its loooooooooooooost... We've LOST the preeeeeeciooooooousssssssss!  
  
Samus: o.0;;  
  
Zelda: Don't mind him folks. He lost his ring and can't find it; he's a bit wigged out, which is why he's writing this story.  
  
LW: The preeeeeeecious!  
  
Zelda: Uhm. yeah.. Anyway the story is about one of the smashers stealing things that are precious to the other smashers. Now. On with chapter 1! ^_^  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Chapter 1  
  
All was quiet within the Smashers Headquarters until a long, girlish scream echoed through the halls, rousing all the smashers.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
It was coming from the room of the two swordsmen, Marth and Roy, soon all 25 smashers were scattered about in the hall outside the door. Link and his mini me counter part went into the room to see what had happened. In the room, Marth was curled up upon his bed, whimpering like a three year old girl and murmuring.  
  
Marth: My sword. my beautiful sword.  
  
Roy: ~ sits upon the bed beside Marth, patting the blue haired prince's back ~ Cheer up buddy, we'll find it!  
  
Y. Link: What's going on in here?  
  
Link: Quiet mini me! ~ turns to Roy ~ What's going on in here?  
  
Y. Link: o.0  
  
Roy: Marth's sword is gone. He woke up and found he was only holding the sheath, and that the Falchion was gone. ~ shakes his head and continues to pat the back of the sniffling Prince ~  
  
Link: Dude.. You sleep with your sword???  
  
Marth: It's a VERY special sword!  
  
Link: ~ stares blankly at Marth and so Mini Link takes over again ~  
  
Y.Link: When did it happen?  
  
Roy: Sometime in the last hour.  
  
Y. Link: Hmmm. But why would anyone want to take Marth's sword?  
  
Link: Yeah, why?  
  
Marth: M-m-maybe someone's playing a mean practical joke. ~ sniffles and blows his nose upon a Kleenex Roy gave him ~  
  
Roy: Listen, can you guys give us a lil' while so Marth can cheer up a bit?  
  
Link & Mini Link: Sure  
  
The two Hylians left the room and began telling the other smashers what had happened. Rowdy left erupted from Bowser and Ganondorf. Mewtwo chuckled lightly.  
  
Zelda: ~ Scowls at the three evil smashers ~  
  
Bowser and G.dorf: ~ whistle innocently ~  
  
Mewtwo: ~ ignores the scowl ~  
  
Roy: Aaaah! Nooooooooooo!  
  
Link, Zelda & Y. Link: ~ run into the room ~  
  
Y. Link: What's wrong!?!  
  
Roy: My.. my... Uhm.. nothing... ~ blushes ~  
  
Marth: ~ still sniffling over his lost sword ~ He.. His favorite tapes are gone. Just like my sword!!!!  
  
Zelda: Tapes?? ~ looks at Roy ~ What tapes?  
  
Roy: My. er. ~ mutters incoherently ~  
  
Zelda: Speak up Roy!  
  
Roy: ... My teletubbie tapes. _;  
  
(A.N. Kudos to Rinoa-san for giving me this idea! Don't' flame me for making him like teletubbies, Flame her! O.o;; Sorry Rinny. ^_^; )  
  
Link & Y. Link: .. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Zelda: Link! Young Link! Stop that!!  
  
Link & Y. Link: ~ ignore Zelda completely, they'd just noticed Roy was wearing Teletubbie boxers along with his sleeping shirt and the two Hylians were in hysterics of laughter ~  
  
Zelda: ~ pats Roy's shoulder reassuringly ~ We're going to need help to find the culprit who's stealing stuff.  
  
Y. Link Oh Oh! Let me help! PLEEEEEEASE Zelda??? ~ Looks up at her with that adorable puppy pout ~  
  
Zelda: Aaaw. Kawai! Of course you can! ^_^  
  
Link: Stupid lucky miniature me.  
  
Zelda: Hmm.. We need someone else.  
  
Y. Link: I know, I know!  
  
Zelda: ~ looks at him curiously ~  
  
Y. Link: Fox-san! ^_^ He like detectivy stuff!  
  
Zelda: Hmm. True. He does have that whole book case full of Sherlock Holmes stories. I'll go ask him. You two better not tease Roy or Marth while I'm gone! _  
  
Y. Link & Link: ~ smile innocently and speak in unison ~ No ma'am.  
  
Zelda ran off to find Fox now that the crowd of smashers in the hall had dispersed. AS soon as she was gone the taunting began, I won't go into what that taunting was cause it was mean and nasty and Roy didn't deserve it if he does watch teletubbies at his age. Needless to say Fox agreed to help and made his way back toward Roy & Marth's room with the Princess.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Zelda: What was that!?  
  
Fox: That came from Samus' room!!  
  
The two ran toward the Bounty Hunter's room.  
  
Zelda & Fox: ~ burst into the Bounty Hunters room to come face to face with a VERY angry looking blonde wearing gym shorts and a sports bra ~  
  
Samus: SOMEONE STOLE MY SUIT!  
  
Fox: Wow. ~ staring at the furious Samus Aran, his jaw slightly agape ~  
  
Samus: Baka Kitsune! ~ thwacks Fox ~  
  
Fox: x.X  
  
Zelda: Samus. Someone stole your suit?  
  
Samus: Yeah! I heard the two sword boys yelling and went with everyone else to check it out. Then decided to go ahead and get dressed and go do some target practice, and when I came in here my suit was gone! Some bastard stole it right out of my closet!  
  
Zelda: x.X; ~ whispers ~ Lone Wolf was trying to keep this rated G!  
  
Samus: Aw screw rated G! No body pays attention to those rating things anyway, unless their wusses, now what about my suit!?!  
  
Zelda: We'll hunt for it along with Marth's sword and Roy's teletubbie tapes.  
  
Fox & Samus: o.0  
  
Zelda: . Forget I said that! ^-^; ~ grabs Fox by the arm and runs off to find Y. Link, they had work to do ~  
  
~ * ~ * ~ *~  
  
LW: BUM BUM BUUUUUUM! I wonder who stole that stuff. o.o  
  
Zelda: You're the writer! You already know!  
  
LW: Uhm. Actually I'm kinda just winging it as I write.  
  
Zelda: Aiya. -.-  
  
LW: Review please! ^-^ 


	2. WAZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP?

A.N.  
  
LW: Peatmoss!  
  
Zelda: What kind of greeting is that?!  
  
LW: I just wanted to make sure the readers were paying attention. ^_^  
  
Zelda: ~_~; On with chapter 2.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Y. Link, Zelda, and Fox McCloud sat within the lounge area, looking at a lay out of the hall containing the bedrooms of all the Smashers.  
  
Zelda: Marth, Roy, and Samus. Her rooms at the opposite end of the hall... Perhaps this person is working a pattern? If so he'll probably either hit Ganondorf, directly across from Marth and Roy's room or Kirby, who's room is beside theirs.  
  
Y. Link: Ganondorf, aw, forget him he's a slime!  
  
Fox: I Agree, we don't need to help him.  
  
Zelda: Well, I wouldn't want to either but  
  
"AAAAAAAH!"  
  
Fox: Not already!  
  
Zelda: Darn it and we'd just figured out where to wait for him!  
  
Y. Link: Wee! Let's go see what he stole!  
  
Zelda & Fox: o.0  
  
Y. Link: Nevermind, lets go!  
  
( The three investigators ran through the halls towards the sound of the scream. Coming to a stop outside Ganondorf room, they found the gerudo's door open, and he himself digging through his closet feverously. )  
  
G.Dorf: No! I MUST find it, It's mine, no one else can have it, only me!  
  
Zelda, Y. Link & Fox: o.o;;;  
  
Fox: Uhm. Ganondork?  
  
Zelda: ~ jabs him in the ribs ~  
  
Fox: Er, I mean Ganondorf! O.o;  
  
G. Dorf: It's gone!!!! ~ he wailed miserably and curled up into a pitiful little ball ~  
  
Fox, Y. Link & Zelda: O.o;;  
  
Zelda: Ganondorf?. What's wrong.  
  
G. Dorf: The thief. he. he stole it...  
  
Zelda: Stole what?  
  
G. Dorf: The Triforce of power!!!!!  
  
(Eerie mysterious music plays)  
  
BUM DUM BUUUUM!  
  
Fox: ~ looks around ~ What the?.  
  
Y. Link: Where'd that come from?  
  
Zelda: Forget that! The thief has The Falchion, a bunch of teletubbie tapes, AND the Triforce of power!  
  
Y. Link: He must be sto-  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Zelda: Not again!  
  
( Our stars race down the hall to Mario and Luigi's room )  
  
Fox: I thought the likely hood was he'd steal from Kirby or Ganondorf?  
  
Zelda: I guess the writer got bored and decided to leave one of those inexplicable plot holes.  
  
Y. Link: Huh?  
  
Zelda: Never mind. ~ runs into Mario's room ~ What happened!?  
  
Mario: Someone a-stole my a-Italian music a-CD's!  
  
Fox: good, I can here those things all the way from Samus' room.  
  
Y. Link, Zelda, and Mario: O_O  
  
Fox: Er. I mean my room! ^_^;;  
  
Mario: Right. You a-must find a-my CD's! o.o  
  
Zelda: Don't worry we will, were there any clues??  
  
Y. Link: There's one!  
  
(On the ground beside Mario's CD player is a piece of paper that says CLUE!!!! )  
  
Fox: Not very subtle is it?.  
  
Zelda: Not really. ~ picks it up and looks at it ~ Hey. There's a hair taped to the paper.  
  
Fox: A hair? Let me see. ~ He took the paper and peered at the hair on it ~ Hey.. I know this hair.  
  
Y. Link: Huh?  
  
Fox: I know the scent!. But I can't place it.  
  
Zelda: Then what use is it to us? u.u  
  
Y. Link: Well at least it's a clue.  
  
Fox: Yeah. Hey, we should look in Ganondorf's room too, there might be a clue there!  
  
Zelda & Y. Link: Yeah!  
  
Fox: Let's split up gang!  
  
Zelda: Uhm.. You're Fox, not Fred.  
  
Fox: Oh. right. ^_^;  
  
Y. Link: C'mon! ~ runs off to Ganondorf's room once again, Zelda and Fox right behind ~  
  
G.Dorf: ~ sits amidst the rubble of his closet whimpering ~ ;-;  
  
Zelda: .yeah. Okay. ~ slips past him and looks around the room ~ Hmm. Clue. Clue.  
  
Fox: Hey look! There it is!  
  
G.Dorf: ~ has a clue taped to his cape ~  
  
Y. Link: ~ grabs it and opens the envelope the clue is sealed in ~ . What the?.  
  
Y. Link: ~ holds up a greeting card of a sad looking basset hound and the words "Feeling lonely?" ~  
  
Fox: What's it say inside???  
  
Y. Link: ~ opens it and reads out loud ~ "Waaaaaaaazzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!"  
  
Fox: Waaaaaaazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!  
  
Ganondorf: Waaaazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!  
  
Zelda: Would you idiots knock it off?  
  
Fox: Sorry.  
  
G.Dorf: ~ goes back to whimpering and crying ~  
  
Y. Link: How are the words "Wazap!" a clue?  
  
Fox: Waaazaaaaaaaaaaaap!!  
  
G. Dorf: Wazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!?  
  
Y. Link: Sorry Zelda.. ._.;  
  
Zelda: ~ grumbles ~ dumb ass Fox and Gerudo..  
  
G.Dorf: ~ goes back to sobbing ~  
  
Fox: ~ snaps out of his 'Idiot typical male' persona ~ Hey! Maybe those are words the thief has said often in the past!  
  
Y. Link & Zelda: Yeah!  
  
Zelda: Now all we have to do is figure out who that is.  
  
Y. Link: We'll have to do it in the next chapter.  
  
Fox: Why?  
  
Y. Link: Because the author wants to leave us with a freakish cliffhanger.  
  
Fox: Ooh.  
  
Zelda: Well we'd best go start thinking so we'll have figured out what this clue means by Chapter three.  
  
Fox & Y. Link: Yeah!  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
LW: Guess what!?!  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Samus: Do we even want to know?.  
  
LW: We founds the precioussssss! ^_^  
  
Zelda: You mean the ring?  
  
LW: Yes! ^_^  
  
Zelda: Yay! Does that mean you'll be kind and tell me what that clue means?  
  
LW: Nope. ^_^  
  
Zelda: Aaw. ~ puppy dog pouts ~ Pleeeeease?  
  
LW: No. Go figure it out with Fox and Mini Link.  
  
Zelda: ~ walks off grumbling ~  
  
Samus: See ya next chapter folks.  
  
LW: The preciousssss isssss found! ^_^  
  
Samus: ~ drags LW off to take a nap and calm down ~  
  
LW: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! 


	3. BUM BUM BUUUUM

LW: WEASELS!  
  
Samus: o.o;  
  
LW: Just keepi-  
  
Zelda and Samus: We know we know! "Keeping the readers on their toes!"  
  
LW: Did you guys practice that? O.o;;;  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Zelda: ~ sighs, sitting in the lounge with Y. Link and Fox ~ We'll never figure out this clue.  
  
Y.Link: Yeah, none of the other smashers have ever said 'Wazzaaaaaaaaaaaaaap'.  
  
Fox: Wazzaaaaaaaaaaaaap!  
  
Y. Link: Waaaaaaaaaazzaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!  
  
Zelda: ~ mutters ~ Oh for the love of.  
  
Fox & Y. Link: Sorry ^_^;  
  
Zelda: Maybe we should just g-  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Zelda: WHY IS IT ALWAYS AT AN INCONVENIENT TIME!?  
  
Fox: Nevermind, let's go!  
  
Y. Link: WHEEEE!!!! ~ runs off down the hall to find out who lost what ~  
  
Fox & Zelda: o.0;  
  
Fox: Well, here we go again. ~ wanders along down the hall, followed by Zelda ~  
  
Y. Link: Hey Fox the sound came from you and Falco's room.  
  
Fox: Wha!? ~ runs past Mini link and into his room ~ What'd they get Falco!?  
  
Falco: ~ looks up from a "Play Furre" magazine ~ One of your things, I just noticed it was gone and decided to scream for ya since you weren't here,  
  
Fox: What?!  
  
Falco: Yeah, I was just sittin' here reading and then I set down my mag for a second and realized your DVD player was gone.  
  
Fox: WHAT!?!?!?!  
  
Zelda: Do you mean the thief got in here and stole Fox's DVD player while you were in here?  
  
Falco: No! No thief could get past me!.. Well.. okay so they did it while I was on the john all right? -_-  
  
Y. Link: ~ snickers ~ "john" Hehehe.  
  
Fox: Y- Y-You. YOU LET THEM STEAL MY DVD PLAYER!?!  
  
Falco: Yeah, shame isn't it? I just bought Rambo 3.  
  
Fox: -.-;; ~ mutters ~ Urge to kill. Rising.  
  
Y. Link: Simpson's did it! Simpson's did it!  
  
Fox: _O  
  
Y. Link: ~ smiles all proud n' shtuff ~  
  
Zelda: Link. Maybe you should go take a nap. o.o;  
  
Y. Link: AAAAW! ~ walks off to his room grumbling ~  
  
Zelda: Falco were there any clues?  
  
Falco: There was this. ~ holds up a piece of paper with the word "CLUE" painted on it in big red letters ~  
  
Fox: ~ snatches it and looks it over ~ .There's a sticker of the words "Metroid Prime" on this piece of paper.  
  
Zelda: That's one of the stickers that were included in the latest Nintendo Power magazine!  
  
Fox: So whoever stole my DVD player reads Nintendo Power.  
  
Zelda: That narrows it down to.  
  
Fox: Half the population of this place? -.-;  
  
Zelda: ~ sighs ~ Yes.  
  
Falco: If you guys are done can you go do your sleuthin' somewhere else?  
  
Fox: Yeah yeah, sure. C'mon Princess. ~ slinks out, muttering about "useless comrades" ~  
  
Zelda: ~ follows Fox out and pats his back ~ Don't worry, we'll get all the stuff back. Right now we just need to figure out who reads Nintendo Power.  
  
Fox: Well. Certainly Mario, he's Nintendo's biggest Mascot. And Pikachu 'cause he's one of the most popular pokémon in existence.  
  
Zelda: And both the Link's and I all read it.  
  
Fox: And. Falco reads it.  
  
Zelda: And he was there when your DVD player got stolen. But even Falco would never. Would he?  
  
( eeriee mystery music plays again )  
  
BUM BUM BUUUUUUM!  
  
Fox: ~ looks around quickly ~ Where does that keep coming from!?! 


	4. Author's Note

!!!! AUTHOR'S NOTE !!!!  
  
LW: Hiyo! Okay just FYI to all those that think they know who the thief is. If you include your answer of who the thief is, CORRECTLY, in your review then I will give you a prize. The prize is of your choice. The possible prizes ARE.  
  
A fanfic starring the SSBM character of your choice. Requesting me to finish some fanfic you enjoyed that is currently incomplete. Having yourself inserted into one of my next SSBM fanfics.  
  
Please note that reviews of chapters 1-3 do not count. I will only accept answers from reviews of chapter four, which will be posted very soon.  
  
Participation is optional, naturally, you don't have to do it if you dun wanna. Stay tuned for chapter 4! ^_^  
  
Zelda: ~ looks at Samus ~ Why did he make a contest?  
  
Samus: Publicity stunt. He wants more reviews.  
  
???? END AUTHOR'S NOTE ???? 


	5. The shadowy figure of Doom! WOOSH!

LW: Ooga ooga.  
  
Samus: Hush.  
  
LW: K. ^_^  
  
Samus: o.o That was easy.  
  
Zelda: Shh, don't ruin it, let's just start the chapter.  
  
LW: NOT YET! I gotta announce sometin'! Okay you all remember I'm now holding a contest to see who figures out who the thief is. One of the authors I personally know already got the right answer but I can't accept it because, like I said, I personally know her. Anyway, I've received three reviews with guesses of who the thief is, NOW, if anyone had paid attention!... _ You would have noticed I said I'm only going to accept guesses that were posted AFTER I have put up chapter four. What you are about to read is chapter four so only guesses after this chapter will be accepted. If you're not totally confused by now then you may proceed to reading the ficcy. ^_^  
  
Zelda: Now can we start?  
  
LW: Just one more queshion. Er. Statement. I don't own "Columbo" or "DRAGNET" ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Y. Link: Oh! I'll bet Captain Falcon reads Nintendo Power!  
  
Fox: Why would he read it?.  
  
Y. Link: He likes to keep up with what's going on. Besides he's got a new F-zero game coming out.  
  
Zelda: Okay so that makes. Me, You, Fox, Link, Falco, Mario, Luigi, Pichu, Pikachu and Captain Falcon. It's got to be one of them.  
  
Fox: Don't forget the other clues. A Hair and that card that said-  
  
Zelda: ~ slaps a hand over his muzzle ~ DON'T say it.  
  
Fox: o.o  
  
Y. Link: n_n  
  
Zelda: Okay let's see. Nintendo power, "wazzap" and a hair. These are the dumbest clues I've ever scene.  
  
Y.Link: You've seen clues to other mysteries? O.o  
  
Zelda: Well, no. But the point is maybe our thief isn't all that bright?  
  
Fox: What makes you think that?  
  
Zelda: Just a shot in the dark.  
  
Fox: Yeah.  
  
Zelda: Mhmm.  
  
Fox: Well, we'll see.  
  
Zelda: Mhmm.  
  
Y.Link: What was that a rip off of?  
  
Fox: What makes you think it was a rip off?  
  
Y.Link: 'Cause it didn't make any sense.  
  
Zelda: It was before your time. ^_^;  
  
Y.Link: Oh.  
  
Fox: Okay so what say we go interrogate the-  
  
"AAAAAAAH!"  
  
Fox: Quick, before he gets away!  
  
(With that our detectives race out of the lounge and into the sleeping quarters hallway.)  
  
Zelda: Look! Coming out of Peaches and my room!  
  
Y.Link: A classic mystery large shadowy figure!  
  
Fox: It's the thief! Get 'im!  
  
( A chase ensues through the halls of the SSBM Headquarters. The Runner: A large shadowy figure carrying something stolen. The Chasers: Zelda, Fox, and Young Link. The chasers split up to try and head off the thief. The result? The thief mysteriously vanished around a corner and Zelda, Fox, and Y.Link all ran into each other head first. )  
  
Zelda: X.x  
  
Fox: Ow.  
  
Y.Link: Do you think this is how cars feel in rush hour traffic?  
  
Zelda: ~ stomps her foot in a angry femenine gesture ~ Dang! He got away!  
  
Fox: And we didn't get any clues this time! .  
  
Y.Link: Sure we did! We now know the thief is large, male and is surprisingly fast!  
  
Fox & Zelda: Hmmm.  
  
Zelda: I wonder.  
  
Fox & Y.Link: What?  
  
Zelda: I think the clues are finally falling into place.  
  
(BUM BUM BUUUUM!!! )  
  
Fox: I'm gonna kill the music coordinator of this fanfic. ~_~  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
LW: Okay so now you have some key elements of who it is. AND It also helps I've finally chosen who the thief is going to be. When you make your guess be sure to include which prize you'd like.  
  
A fanfic starring the SSBM character of your choice. ( Please state which character) Requesting me to finish some fanfic you enjoyed that is currently incomplete. (Please state which story ) Having yourself inserted into one of my next SSBM fanfics.  
  
LW: Thank you, review again! ^_^  
  
Zelda: That was creepy.  
  
Samus: He needs another nap!  
  
LW: You'll never take me alive! ~ dives out a window ~ AAAAAAAAAAAAIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 


	6. What lies above In THE THIRTEENTH er THE...

LW: Welcome true believers and new comers alike!. Whoops. Wrong script. Anyhoo, here is a list of who people have guessed so far that are incorrect.  
  
Fangirl Beverly= Bowser SkullKid= DK or Captain Falcon AF= Fox McCloud  
  
LW: There were also numerous other guesses that it was Captain Falcon. For the record it IS NOT Captain Falcon, Captain Falcon is a ex-bounty hunter turned race car driver who's probably in his late thirties and in desperate need of a wife and an actual career. There you have it. Sorry this chapter took so long to dish out. I was sick for a week and a half.  
  
Zelda: On to the chapter! ^_^  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Fox: I don't get it! Who could it be!?!  
  
Zelda: Sit down and hush!  
  
Fox: Yes ma'am. -.-; ~ sits down at the coffee table ~  
  
Y. Link: Okay so what are our clues?  
  
Zelda: We know it's male. Fairly large. Surprisingly fast. Reads Nintendo Power. Says "wazzup" AND has weird hair.  
  
Fox: DK!  
  
Zelda: DK's a hulking ape. The only thing he would steal is banana.  
  
Fox: Yeah.  
  
Y. Link: Besides DK rarely speaks coherently. And he never says "wazzup". though the taunt he does during battles does kinda imply it.  
  
Zelda: Who could it possibly be.  
  
Fox: Some other random huge hulking figure?  
  
Zelda: Would you two get serious!? We're close to solving this case, I can feel it!  
  
Fox & Y.Link: We're sorry Zelda.  
  
(Insert random cute aaaaw's here)  
  
Zelda: Apology accepted. Now come on, we're going on a raid.  
  
Y. Link: A raid?  
  
Fox: Sweet!  
  
Zelda: We'll search everyone's rooms, and when we find the stolen items we'll know who our thief is.  
  
Y. Link: Cool! ^_^  
  
Zelda: Fox, we'll need some more Firepower, I doubt Ganondorf, Mewtwo, and Bowser will be very thrilled at the idea of us going through their belongings. Think you can get Falco and Samus to lend a hand?  
  
Fox: No problem, I'll go get 'em, don't start the fun with out me! ~ the furry little mercenary smirked and then turned on his heel, jogging off to retrieve his wingman and the universes most deadly female Bounty Hunter ~  
  
Y. Link: What should I do? ~ blink blink ~  
  
Zelda: ~ smiles and ruffles the miniature Hylian's hair ~ You should remember not to piss me off once I change forms.  
  
Y. Link: Eep! O.O  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Y. Link: You're turning into Sheik?!?  
  
Zelda: We're about to go search the rooms of every smasher in the HQ, A Sheikah is far more imposing then a princess.  
  
Y. Link: Yeah and she's also a lot more cold and sterile, not to mention mean sometimes.  
  
Zelda: Which is why I told you not to piss me off. Oh, stop giving me that look, don't worry I'll change back as soon as the Raid is over.  
  
Y. Link: Okaaaaaay.. u_u  
  
( The tell tale little "didly ding" sound thing plays and Zelda vanishes, Sheik now standing her place )  
  
Y.Link: ~ debates running to hide ~  
  
Sheik: ~ sighs, tapping her foot on the floor ~ What's keeping that furball?  
  
Y.Link: o.o;  
  
Fox: Found them! ~ comes bounding back in with a big grin on his face ~ Time for a raiding party!  
  
Falco: Sounds like fun to me.  
  
Samus: When I get my suit back I'm going to blow the crap out of whoever stole it.  
  
Falco: I'll help ya!  
  
Fox: Why should you care, you didn't loose anything! _  
  
Falco: No but you lost something, I feel a moral obligation to bring the thief to justice for you Fox!  
  
Fox: Suuuuuure you do. _  
  
Falco: No really I do!  
  
Sheik: Would you bozos knock it off!? We've got rooms to search!  
  
Y.Link: Yippee! ^_^  
  
Samus: . ~ stares at Y. Link ~  
  
Y.Link: . ~ stares back at Samus ~  
  
Samus: Stop staring at me, kid.  
  
Y.Link: But Samus. You don't have your suit. You look so.. Human. o.o  
  
Samus: ~_~;;  
  
Fox: And she's pretty too. ^_^  
  
Samus: You two better shut your traps before I shut them for ya.  
  
Falco: Enough chattin' lets go raid some dorm rooms!  
  
Sheik: That's more like it!  
  
(The three heroes and their back up began searching the rooms one by one. As predicted, few had any problem with letting them in to search, though Peach would only Let Samus and Sheik search her room. The detectives saved Mewtwo, Bowser and Ganondorf's rooms for last.)  
  
Sheik: Okay, Bowser first, he's so dumb we'll probably have gotten in, searched his room, and then gotten back out before he even realizes what we asked.  
  
Samus: Right. ~ knocks on Bowser's door ~ Hey scale butt, open your damn door!  
  
Bowser: Beat it blondie, I'm busy!  
  
Fox: Open the door or we'll open it from the outside!  
  
Bowser: ~ grumbles and stomps over to his door, throwing it open with growl ~ What!?  
  
Sheik: Move over lizard boy, we're searching your room!  
  
Bowser: Over my rotting corpse of a tortoise body you are!  
  
Falco: That can be arranged! ~ smirks and pulls out as his blaster, Fox doing the same beside him ~  
  
Bowser: .. Er. On second thought, c'mon in, search all you like I've got nothing incriminating! ^_^;;;;  
  
( This was true.. Well, sorta.. Technically he had nothing that would suggest he was the item thief. He did however have a bottle of Roy's hair gel, the mug stolen from the SSBM Bar, a suit worn by Michael Keaton in Batman Returns, three poison mushrooms that were so old that they themselves had started to grow mushrooms. So technically he was a thief, just not the one they wanted. And so they left him to wallow about with his beloved stolen items while they went to raid Mewtwo's room next )  
  
Y.Link: ~ knocks on Mewtwo's door ~ Hey Mewtwo! Can you come out here a sec?  
  
Mewtwo: ~ speaks all telekinesis like in their minds and shtuff making them think they might be stoned ~ For what purpose Hylian?  
  
Y. Link: Uhm.  
  
Sheik: Because we want to search your room now open the door!  
  
Mewtwo: ~ opens the door psychically n' floats in the doorframe, blocking their path ~ On what grounds do you want to search my room?  
  
Fox: Because we want to find out if you're the thief or not.  
  
Mewtwo: I would lower myself to steal things from you insignificant fighters. However, seeing as how you obviously have no clue what you're doing I will give you the aid of my psychic powers and tell you that the thief is not among us. Whoever is responsible for stealing your possessions is not one of the "smashers."  
  
Sheik, Fox, & Y. Link: Huh!?  
  
Mewtwo: Indeed. Your perpetrator is someone far stranger then any of your fellow fighters, now go and leave me be.  
  
Sheik: But can't you just tell us who it is!?  
  
Mewtwo: No.  
  
Sheik: Why not?  
  
Mewtwo: Because the author doesn't want it to be that easy for you.  
  
Fox: Stupid wolf tailed Author. X.x  
  
Mewtwo: ~ mutters ~ That and if I turn out to be wrong and it really is one of the Smashers I don't want anyone mocking me...  
  
Fox: What'd you say?  
  
Mewtwo: Nothing.  
  
(da da dum!)  
  
Fox: Where the hell is that coming from!?  
  
Sheik: ~ sigh ~ Come on you guys let's go search the third floor rooms.  
  
Y. Link: But Sheik Rinoa and Tsunami and Lonewolf are up there! And Rin and Tsu will probably think up some other Idea to give to Lonewolf so he can humiliate us even more in this fic, or worse. In a new one.  
  
( bum Bum BUUUUUM!!!!!!)  
  
Sheik & Fox: ~ look around for a few seconds wondering where that came from ~  
  
Sheik: Did I ask for your opinion, short stuff?  
  
Y.Link: Uhm. No.  
  
Sheik: Good. Then come on, we're about to go where no smashers have gone before.  
  
Falco: Actually, Samus and I've been their numerous times. It's kinda like going to the principal's office in highschool accept instead of a pissed of bald guy in a suit you're talking to some deranged person who writes humorous stories about famous Nintendo mascots.  
  
Y. Link: You guys went up there?.. And survived?  
  
Samus: For the record I was up there simply because somebody had to go up as a witness to what happened in the cafeteria. Falco's the one that was in trouble.  
  
Falco: Hey!  
  
Fox: What DID happen in the cafeteria???  
  
Falco: Nothing!  
  
Fox: ¬_¬  
  
Falco: ^_^;  
  
Sheik: Are you all done yammering now?  
  
Falco: I'm done.  
  
Fox: Me too.  
  
Samus: Did you just insult us?  
  
Y. Link: Did you just say yammering?  
  
Sheik: -.-; Nevermind. Come on, to the third floor!  
  
Y. Link: And beyond!  
  
Fox: ~ whispers ~ Psst! Mini link, wrong script! This is SSBM not Buzz Lightyear!  
  
Y. Link: Oops. To the third floor corridor!  
  
Falco: Uhm. Yeah, about that, I think I'm just gonna head on down to the gym and let you guys handle this.  
  
Samus: Uh. Yeah, yeah the Gym sounds pretty good right now. See ya! ~ bolts ~  
  
Falco: Bye! ~ bolts as well ~  
  
Y. Link: Hey I thought they said going up thee was no big deal?  
  
Fox: Maybe they just want to get in some good training time?.  
  
Sheik: Nope. They're scared of the authors. That and we're bound to find those to freakishly abnormally large gloves up there. Along with some other random people and Video game characters the Author will randomly throw in so that we have new suspects.  
  
Fox: Uhm.. Okay.  
  
Y. Link: Say do you think Lonewolf has even actually chosen who the real thief is?  
  
Fox: Well we'll know soon enough. I heard he wants to end this story soon so he can start something new.  
  
Y. Link: So he probably hasn't even decided yet. My bet is he'll either make it someone totally unexpected who has nothing to do with any of the clues. OR. It'll make a ton of sense soon and we'll feel like idiots once we find out who it is because it was really obvious from the start of the story.  
  
Fox: At least we know it was Captain Falcon, DK, Bowser, or I.  
  
Y. Link: How do we know that? o.0  
  
Sheik: Because Lonewolf said it wasn't before he started the chapter.  
  
Y. Link: Oh. I see now.  
  
(And so our three detectives head for the third floor. Deserted by their so-called "back up" and totally clueless as to whom the thief is. )  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
LW: Yay! Another chapter done! Now to inform you readers of something important!. If someone does figure out who the thief is before the seventh Chapter I will announce their name at the start of the chapter, along with what they requested for as a prize. If know one figures it out by the last chapter (Chapter 7) then your all screwed.  
  
Samus: o.0;  
  
LW: Our detectives will discover the thief's identity in chapter seven! I hope someone figures this all out before then!  
  
Zelda: Have you even chosen the true perpetrator of all these crimes? ¬_¬  
  
LW: YES! _ I had figured chosen who the thief was by the end of th- Uhm. The. End of the first chapter!  
  
Samus: ~ cough ~ YEAHRIGHT! ~ cough ~  
  
LW: Okay, okay, so I decided during the middle of chapter four, happy now? -.-;  
  
Zelda: Yep. Now I know you actually do have a culprit in mind. ^_^  
  
LW: Yes, yes I certainly do. ^_^  
  
Samus: This has been a Lonewolf Idiocy presentation.  
  
LW: HEY!  
  
Samus: Please, include whom you suspect within your review and have a nice day. 


	7. Holy Guacamoley I revealed who the Thief...

LW: Ferrets!  
  
Zelda: What is your obsession with small woodland animals!?  
  
LW: They're fuzzy. ^_^  
  
Zelda: And?.  
  
LW: I need more reason then that? o.o  
  
Zelda: Hey look you've got a review from chapter 5.  
  
LW: Oh! Gimme gimme! ~ opens it ~ o.0; Ladies and Gentlemen. Due to circumstances that I cannot explain without giving away the Identity of the thief I will not be able to tell you who guessed what in this chapter. Sorry.  
  
Zelda: In other words someone gave the correct answer but they've guessed before. Now it doesn't seem fair to accept a guess from someone who already tried so he's giving the rest of you all a chance to solve it.  
  
LW: Precisely my dear, Watson!. Er. I mean Zelda. ^_^;  
  
Zelda: . Yeah. Anyway, if no body new gives the correct answer then Lonewolf will accept the second review answer from one of the previous reviewers, who will remain anonymous, so as not to give away the answer.  
  
LW: The girl speaks truth. ^_^ Good luck to all knew contestants.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Sheik: ~ sticks her head out of the stairway door ~ Okay. Cost is clear, C'mon!  
  
Sheik, Y. Link, & Fox: ~ creep out of the stair well and down the hallway towards the first room they saw ~  
  
Fox: How do we know this is going to be a bedroom?  
  
Sheik: Because bedrooms are the only rooms of relevance to us currently so there's no reason for the author to have put any other rooms in this hallway yet.  
  
Fox: Ah. That makes sense.  
  
Sheik: ~ opens the door to reveal... Three brooms, two mops, a swifter wet jet a bucket with a sponge in it ~ What the hell!?  
  
Y. Link: Heh, I guess you were wrong, bedrooms are the only thing the Author would put in this hallway unless he wanted to purposely humiliate us in front of the readers.  
  
Sheik: You remember when Zelda said not to piss me off?  
  
Y. Link: Yeah.  
  
Sheik: Well you're not doin' a very good job of obeying her orders.  
  
Y. Link: Uhm. I'm going to . go.. Over here now. ^_^; ~ steps behind fox and crouches down, hiding behind his bushy tail ~  
  
Sheik: ~ smirks and heads down the hall toward the next door ~  
  
[LW: Yes I realize you wouldn't be able to see her smirk cause of her mask and all but smirking seems fitting right now so she smirked so get off my ass about realism! O. ]  
  
Fox: ~ follows after her, an annoyed look on his face since Young Link is clinging to his tail and cowering behind him in hopes of avoiding sheik's terrible wrath ~  
  
Sheik: ~ opens the second hallway door. It gave a low eerie creek like all doors do in places where you're trying to go unnoticed ~  
  
Fox: SHH! Keep it down! ~ creeps into the room with Sheik, the Miniature Hylian following behind ~  
  
Y. Link: ~ whispers ~ Who's room do you think this is?  
  
Sheik: ~ replies in an equally subdued whisper ~ Judging from the pictures of Marth and Sephiroth that are plastered over every blank surface I'd say we found Rinoa's room.  
  
Fox: Mini Link and I will check under the bed. You can check the drawers and any other areas that might contain ladies things.  
  
Y. Link: When did we start think of Rinoa as a lady?  
  
Fox: Since you decided to come with us and we have to make sure you grow up to have a normal polite mind.  
  
Y. Link: Aw damn I wanted to be like the older me. .  
  
Sheik: Watch your language, and check under Rinoa's bed. ~ walks over to the closet and opens it, looking in side in hopes of finding the lost items ~  
  
Fox: See anything Mini Link?  
  
Y. Link: There's some guy under here yelling at me from behind a gag!  
  
Fox: o.0;  
  
Sheik: Relax. That's Sephiroth, she's had him under there for a few weeks I think.  
  
Y. Link & Fox: o.0;  
  
Sheik: ~ roots through Rin's dresser ~  
  
Mysterious person: ~ taps sheik on the shoulder ~ Watcha doin'?  
  
Sheik: Searching Rinoa's drawer searching for the items that got stolen.  
  
M P: Why?  
  
Sheik: Because we assigned ourselves the mission of solving this case.  
  
M P: Why?  
  
Sheik: Because the Author thought it would be funny.  
  
M P: Why?  
  
Sheik: I don't know, why don't you go ask hi- Say who are you anyway!? ~ whirls around to look at the mysterious person ~  
  
M P: ~ is actually Rinoa ~  
  
Sheik: Oh crap.  
  
Rinoa (Henceforth known as Rin!): Hiya! ^_^  
  
Fox: RUN LIKE HELL!  
  
Fox, Sheik, & Y. Link: ~ run out of the room and down the hall as fast as they can ~  
  
Rin: ~ wails unhappily ~ No body loves me!!!!!!  
  
Fox, Sheik, & Y. Link: ~ leans against the wall, having run around a corner into a new hallway ~  
  
Y. Link: Do you think we lost her?  
  
Fox: I hope so.  
  
Sheik: Remind me again why we just ran from a girl?  
  
Y. Link: Uhm. Because she's an Authoress and can do horrible, unspeakable, and really stupid things to us in her stories?  
  
Sheik: Oh yeah.. I knew there was a good reason.  
  
Fox: Hey. I just thought of something guys. What if we're on the wrong track? Maybe someone paid off Mewtwo to make us come up here while the thief was down stairs stealing more stuff!  
  
Sheik & Y. Link: ..  
  
Fox: Well it was just a thought.  
  
Sheik: Yeah and it's a damn good one. -.-; You're right, I think we're being played for chumps.  
  
Y. Link: Sheik, why don't you go down and check up on the second floor and Fox and I will keep searching here.  
  
Fox: Hey wait a second how come you and I have to stay up here!?  
  
Y. Link: ~ elbows him in the ribs and whispers ~ So we can get away from the queen of mean fur brain!  
  
Fox: ¬_¬  
  
Y. Link: ^_^; Trust us Sheik, we'll be fine, after all you're the best out of us three, if anyone could catch the thief it's you.  
  
Sheik: Hmm. Good point. All right, I'm going back down, I'll check in on you all later. ~ with that Sheik peeked back around the corner, made sure the cost was clear, and then made a dash for the stairs ~  
  
Fox: Man, I never knew Sheik had such an ego.  
  
Y. Link: Egotistical, mean, AND wiser then she lets on. It's not a good combination.  
  
Fox: Tell me again why you want to be like your older self? He wouldn't have had the sense to speak like that.  
  
Y. Link: ~ beams proudly ~ Yeah well, he sits around playing other mascots Video games all day till it's time for his next battle.  
  
Fox: Heh. Well c'mon, let's go see what other insane authors might be lurking within the confines of this hallway.  
  
Y. Link: Oh goodie. -_-  
  
( And so our two short sized saviors headed down the hall, stopping at the first door the came to and opening it.)  
  
Fox: ~ winces as the door creaks ~ Why do doors always creak when you're trying to be quiet!? .  
  
Y. Link: Not enough WD-40 I guess.  
  
Fox: .  
  
Y. Link: Nevermind, let's just go inside, I think the author's running out of witty joke dialogue for us to use.  
  
Fox: That's never a good sign.  
  
[ LW: Yeah well you try writing an eight chapter random insanity humor fic and see what happens furball! . ]  
  
Y. Link: Who's room do you think this is?.  
  
Fox: Judging from all the different Nike shoes and sports stuff all over the place. I'm gonna guess this room belongs to Sonic the Hedgehog.  
  
Y. Link: What's he doing in the SSBM headquarters?  
  
Fox: Rumor says when Sega hooked up with Nintendo and they got the rights to the Sonic Games they needed some place to stick he and his friends and cast so they jammed him into the third floor here.  
  
Y. Link: Oooh. I see. I always wondered how they found room for him at Nintendo of Japan.. And all this time they had actually just stuck him here with us.  
  
Fox: Yep. Now c'mon, let's see what we can find.  
  
( A Big Batshaped signal thing spins across the screen ala the old Batman show!! Mean while back on the second floor!. )  
  
Sheik: ~ moves along the hall way, glancing into any room with a door open ~ Hmm. Nothing yet, maybe foxy boy was just full of paranoia.  
  
Falco: ~ over hears this comment as he walks by ~ Paranoia or the beans he had for lunch.  
  
Sheik: _O;  
  
[LW: Huh. I didn't know Foxes ate beans... ]  
  
Sheik: ~ shrugs to herself and keeps walking as Falco disappears around a corner ~  
  
"AAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Sheik: Aw dammit, the furball was right! ~ darts down the corridor towards the room of. Link? ~  
  
Link: AAAH! AAAAAAAH! ~ sits curled up on his bed, screaming pointlessly and staring at his TV screen ~  
  
Sheik: ~ runs into the room, skidding to a stop, sliding a bit on the slick floor ~ What's wrong!?  
  
Link: There's an ex-boxer turned salesman on my TV screen advertising about a low fat grill!  
  
Sheik: Huh?.  
  
Link: George Foreman! The ex-boxer turned salesman is on my TV screen advertising his patented grill!!!!  
  
Sheik: And this is the cause of your pathetically girlish screams?.  
  
Link: ... Uhm..  
  
Sheik: Well!?  
  
Link: Well he was the main reason.  
  
Sheik: And were there any other reasons? -_-  
  
Link: Yes!.. No..  
  
Sheik: For the love of-  
  
Link: YES! I remember now! I saw a dude!  
  
Sheik: Not George Foreman again.  
  
Link: No! This was a dude in my room! When I walked in he was standing by my closet!  
  
Sheik: Who was it?! ~ grabs hold of Link's shoulders, shaking him violently ~ Tell me you dingbat Hero!  
  
Link: I don't know! He was all dark and shadowy!. Like Dark Link in Ocarina of Time! O.o  
  
Sheik: The shadowy figure!  
  
Link: Yeah that's the guy! ^_^  
  
Sheik: Hmm. Quick, Link, which way did he go?  
  
Link: He ran out of the room just as I was coming in! I think he was heading for the stairs!  
  
Sheik: But that can't be! I just came from the stairs and the only person I ran into was- ~ GASP! ~ Falco! Falco is the thief!!  
  
Link: No way!  
  
Sheik: Yes way!  
  
Link: Dude.  
  
Sheik: It all makes sense now. The weird way he's been acting, the fact that someone got Fox's DVD player. Everything. Come on Link, we've got a bird to catch!  
  
( Mysterious Batman narrator voice: Is Sheik's deduction correct? Can Link be trusted as a witness? Is Falco really a traitor amongst his comrades? Do Foxes really eat beans!? Tune in next time to uncover the truth! Same Smash time, same smash category! )  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Fox: Say, how'd you get the narrator from the 60's Batman show to work for you? I figured he'd be dead by now.  
  
LW: He is! I paid his Zombie nearly double what I'd have to pay him if he was alive!  
  
Fox: o.O;  
  
LW: Just kidding. ^_^ That was actually me, I used to do pointless impersonations of that narrator just for the hell of it so I figured I'd put that useless talent to good use! ^_^  
  
Samus: You really have no life, do you?  
  
LW: Hey! I've got a life!. It just happens to revolve around writing fan- fiction. 


	8. Love Star wins!

LW: Sweet mother of god this is the last chapter!  
  
Zelda: You might have to accept that one person's review answer.  
  
LW: Nope! I have a winner, I knew I'd find one if I had faith.  
  
Zelda: Well good for you, nice to know you have faith in something besides your own humorous wit.  
  
LW: Yes! I am a humorous witty kinda guy aren't I?  
  
Samus: ~ mutters ~ not to mention an egotistical nincompoop.  
  
Zelda: Here, here.  
  
LW: Eh?  
  
Zelda & Samus: Nothing! ^_^;  
  
LW: ¬_¬ Anyway.. The Winner is!. Love Star! ~ pulls a string causing half a ton of confetti and streamers to drop around them ~  
  
Zelda: Congrats to Love Star.  
  
LW: Wait! Dere's more!  
  
Samus: oh dear. -.-;  
  
LW: Unfortunately Love Star didn't include what she wanted as her reward. If she doesn't tell me. I will have to accept the second guess made by. Skull Kid! Who was the first one to figure out who the thief truly was! Oh and also Kudos to a reviewers who called himself "ZERO." He also knew who the thief was but, due to the fact that he's not an author here and he didn't make and request as to a reward I can't count his guess. Anyhoo, Love Star, if you want to claim your victory please tell me what prize you want in a second review. ^_^ If not Skull Kid will be inserted in one of my upcoming SSBM fics, as requested. ^_^ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Fox: Well.. We've gone through Sonic's room, Knuckles' Room Tails' room and five more broom closets that the Author randomly threw in to annoy us.  
  
Y. Link: We still haven't found Tsunami's room or Lonewolf's.  
  
Fox: We'll find there's next. There are only a few more rooms in this hallway and besides this is the last chapter of the fanfic.  
  
Y. Link: Doesn't it seem kinda odd.. Having a mystery where you know you're going to figure out who the culprit is real soon just because you know the story's about to end.  
  
Fox: Actually I never really thought about it before.  
  
Y. Link: Why not?  
  
Fox: Makes my head hurt. I'm a mercenary, I was designed for action adventure stories. These random humor fics confuse me.  
  
Y. Link: Uh-huh.. Okay.  
  
Fox: ~ opens the next door to reveal. A closet containing a shelf of ivory soap bars, three packages of Triple ply toilet paper, a 'Dawn' soap container, a broom that's lost most of it's straws and a mop that's so old it's had to be put back together with a good five pounds of duct tape ~  
  
Y. Link: I'm getting sick of these closets. -.-;  
  
Fox: Me too. Okay, let's try the next door. ~ steps over and opens the next door ~  
  
Y. Link: Holy crap it's a damn Roy shrine!  
  
Fox: Hey! Watch your words small fry!  
  
Y. Link: I'm taller then you. _  
  
Fox: Yeah but you're not older. ~ smirks and steps into Tsu's room ~ Let's hope she's not at home at the moment.  
  
Y. Link: ~ tiptoe's in behind Fox and looks around ~ Man. No wonder Roy's always hiding from her. There's more Roy stuff here then you'd ever believe.  
  
Fox: Yeah. Including Roy's teletubbie tapes!  
  
Y. Link: What!? Where!?!  
  
Fox: ~ points to the collection of teletubbie tapes next to Tsu's TV, all of the tapes are marked "Property of Roy" ~  
  
Y. Link: So Tsu's the thief!  
  
Fox: I guess so. But where's all the rest of the stolen stuff?  
  
"AAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Y. Link: The classic "Robbery scream" we've heard in every chapter!  
  
Fox: But we're on the third floor!  
  
Y. Link: Who cares!? C'mon we can catch her in the act! ~ races out of the room and to. The room right beside it? ~  
  
Fox: ~ Runs after him, looking into the new room to see Lonewolf huddled on the floor muttering to himself ~ Lonewolf?. o.O;  
  
Y. Link: ~ walks up to the author and pokes him, then jumps back ~  
  
LW: They're gone. Someone took them. They're gone.  
  
Fox: What are gone?  
  
LW: The tapes.  
  
Y. Link & Fox: ~ look at each other ~  
  
Y. Link: ~ looks to Lonewolf ~ Tapes?  
  
LW: The tapes. The tapes I took from Roy. It doesn't make sense.  
  
Y. Link: You took Roy's tapes!?  
  
Fox: But we thought Tsu did! They're in her room!  
  
Tsu: Hah hah! ~ stands triumphantly in the doorway ~ I stole them from Lonewolf! I found out he took them and so I stole them back to return to my beloved Roy-boy! ^_^  
  
LW: You traitorous fiend!  
  
Sheik & Link: ~ burst in at that moment, dragging a struggling Falco with them ~  
  
Sheik: We got him! We caught the thief!  
  
Fox & Y. Link: What the!?  
  
Fox: I'm confused.  
  
Y. Link: Me too.  
  
Tsu: I'm always confused!  
  
LW: Perhaps I can shed some light upon the subject.  
  
Everyone else: ~ turn to look at Lonewolf ~  
  
LW: ~ stands and begins pacing much like one of those old fashion detectives as they're explaining a mystery ~ When I lost my ring a few weeks back I went a bit nutty. Having just scene the Two Towers for the second time I developed a personality much like Gollum's and began to steal things from the video game mascots out of frustration from not finding the ring. Once I found the ring I realized I'd done something completely random and stupid and, realizing also that it would be an interesting story for others to read I decided I'd slap it up on fanfics.net for all to see. I then proceeded to hide the objects with the intent to return them once this story was over; however, someone, who will remain anonymous. ~ looks at Tsu ~ stole Roy's tapes, thus causing me to give the classic "robbery scream" you guys heard all through the story.  
  
Sheik: But what about Falco!? He was posing as a shadowy figure and was snooping around Link's room!  
  
Link: Yeah! ^_^  
  
Everyone: ~ stare at Link for a moment ~  
  
Link: .... Well he was!  
  
Falco: I can explain this part. ~ sighs ~ When I realized someone had swiped Fox's DVD player I felt worse then I let on, plus I was kinda pissed that the thief swiped it right from under my nose. So I went looking to see if I could get it back, I was searching everyone's rooms and Link came back to his while I was searching his so I had to run.  
  
Sheik: Well, I suppose that clears everything up. Except that thing you said about Fox eating beans.  
  
Fox: Huh!?  
  
Falco: Uhm, nothing, forget I mentioned it, it was just a little statement I couldn't resist making.  
  
LW: Ooh, so Foxes don't eat bea-  
  
(At that moment a horrendous stench began to fill the room, causing everyone to gag and choke.)  
  
Falco: OH man! Fox that's nasty! ~ coughs and wheezes ~  
  
Fox: But I /don't/ eat beans! X.x ~ coughs, hacks, and stumbles ~  
  
(As our Furry Vulpine mercenary made this statement the true source of that stench walked by. Mario, carrying a plate of spaghetti with a massive amount of Garlic seasoning walked by the room.)  
  
Fox: ~ coughs and gasps ~ See! I told you!  
  
LW: .. Okay I'm not taking responsibility for this sucky stand up comedy scene. I'm here; I can't be the author right now!  
  
Everyone else: ~ stare at him ~  
  
LW: Well it's true! If I'm here how can I be the author?  
  
Tsu: Simple! You and I are the insane random parts of our Author's personalities. That means technically you are still responsible for that random scene.  
  
LW: Are damn.  
  
Fox: Would somebody please acknowledge that I don't eat beans!?  
  
Link: I'll acknowledge it! You don't eat beans! ^_^  
  
Fox: Geeze, thank you, Link!  
  
Link: Not a problem, after all I'm the bean eater around here! ^_^  
  
Sheik: Okay this is getting weird, I'm giving Zelda control again.  
  
Y. Link: Yay! ^_^  
  
Sheik: That's it! _ ~ turns to Young Link menacingly ~  
  
Y. Link: Yipe. 0.0  
  
Link: Run, Mini Me, run! O_o  
  
Y. Link: ~ runs out of the room and down the hall screaming very much like Mini Me ~ Eeeeeeeeeeee!  
  
Sheik: There. I feel better. ^_^ ~ Changes back into Zelda ~  
  
(The classic Zelda discover bell thing plays)  
  
Fox: Where do those sound effects keep coming from!?!?  
  
Tsu: ~ GASP ~ Link it's coming from your hat!  
  
Link: Huh?.. ~ rolls his eyes upward towards the top of his head ~  
  
(Link's hat twitched and wiggled.. BECAUSE... SOMETHING INSIDE IT IS ALIVE)  
  
Link: EEP! Help my Zelda! ~ runs around flailing his arms ~ Get it off get it off GET IT OFF!!!  
  
Zelda: ~ snatches the hat off his head to reveal what is beneath ~  
  
Everyone: ..  
  
Link: ~ stands absolutely still, eye rolled up to look at the top of his head ~ Oh no.  
  
Zelda: It can't be.  
  
LW: It is.  
  
Tsu: It's Navi!  
  
Link: NOOOOOO! ~ smacks the little fairy off the top of his head and begins brutally stomping on her ~ I thought I got rid of you!? Why won't you leave me alone you stupid fairy!  
  
Everyone: ~ stare at Link while he stomps on Navi ~  
  
Zelda: Link!  
  
Link: Die Die Die!  
  
Zelda: Link!!  
  
Link: ~ continues to stomp on the fairy ~ This time you'll stay dead!  
  
Zelda: ~ grabs hold of him ~ LINK! It's dead already, leave it's poor body alone!  
  
Link: ~ seethes ~ They plague.. ~ glances around nervously ~ They always plague me... they're watching. They're stalkers! Miniature winged stalkers!  
  
LW: Uhm... Riiight. Well Tsu, why don't you go get Roy's tapes and you and I can go give back the stuff. ^_^  
  
Fox: hey! We were the detectives who solved the case, we should be returning the stuff.  
  
LW: Uhm. No because then the smashers will know Tsu and I had their stuff and then we'll get beat up a lot.  
  
Zelda: . He's got a point.  
  
Fox: Yeah. Well that's fine just give me back my DVD player! _  
  
LW: No problem! ~ looks around for the DVD player ~ At least.. It will be no problem. once I find it. ^_^;  
  
Fox: You lost the stuff you stole!?  
  
LW: No no! Not lost exactly. Just.. Misplaced ^_^;  
  
Fox: ~ twitches ~  
  
LW: Uhm. Take it easy Fox. I'll find it. ^_^;;  
  
Fox: You'd better find it!!  
  
LW: Uh-oh..  
  
Fox: I spent 200 bucks on that thing, if you don't find I'm gonna kick your ass!  
  
LW: ~ looks around ~ Uh. Y'know I just remembered another story I need to get writing! ^_^;; Gotta go, bye! ^_^ ~ bolts out of the room ~ AAH!!  
  
Fox: Get back here! ~ chases after him ranting about finding his DVD player ~  
  
Tsu: .... Well. That was interesting. Link murdered his Fairy and revealed that he eats beans, Fox proved he doesn't eat beans and now wants to kill Lonewolf. I wonder how I met up with such a bizarre Author. Oh well. ^-^  
  
( And so we leave this bizarre story, letting it come to a close at long last so that the author can start working on something that doesn't involve a pissed of fox chasing him. ^_^ )  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Zelda: That was the weirdest chapter of them all! And it was full of plot holes!  
  
LW: I know, wasn't it? ^_^  
  
Samus: Plot holes isn't something to be proud of!  
  
LW: Sure it is! ^_^  
  
Samus: -_-;  
  
LW: Once again congratulations to Love Star on discovering that I was the thief. ^_^  
  
Fox: Hey! You never did give me my DVD player.  
  
LW: Oh yeah about that you see there's all a very reasonable explanation. ^_^;  
  
Fox: Oh yeah?  
  
LW: Of course of course! It's uhm.. Uh. Gotta go! ~ runs away ~  
  
Fox: Hey! Come back here you stupid Author! ~ chases after Lonewolf, vanishing off into the distance ~  
  
Samus: Ladies and Gentlemen due to unusual circumstances Zelda closing the Fic for Lonewolf.  
  
Zelda: Hope you enjoyed our plot hole riddled story! ^_^  
  
Samus: And again, Love Star, don't forget to tell Lonewolf what you want as a prize reward.  
  
Zelda: See you later folks, here's hoping Lonewolf can actually think up a story with a decent plot next time! 


End file.
